Match Report by Matthew Harding at Hartshead Moor

Nobody really knows what it was that made Donald Trump decide to invade Iran back in February. The threat of nuclear proliferation? China’s growing influence in the region? Maybe he was bored? Or had run out of cheeseburgers? Perhaps it was the price of a tank of ‘gas’ at the pumps. We may never know.

If it was bad fast food and overpriced petrol he was after, he could have saved himself a few billion dollars and a world of grief and got his motorcade to stop off at Welcome Break Services.

For most people, Hartshead Moor means just that. Expensive fuel and expensive (but not very nice) food.

What many don’t know is that nestled just to the side of the motorway, sits Hartshead Moor Cricket Club. I’m pretty sure that if the President’s armoured limo ever did find its way to the ground, he’d be made very ‘welcome’. The Villagers’ U13s and their supporters certainly were. But, despite some brilliant individual efforts and great work with the ball, the boys couldn’t catch a ‘break’.

Our own Commander-in-Chief was away with work so, just as happens over the pond, ‘JD’ Powe stepped up to take reins.

Brodie won the toss and decided to bowl. As the run rate was kept low and the wickets followed, it seemed a very wise decision. So did the placement of Ollie Rose on the square leg boundary. If old Donald had caught that ball with one hand in the same way he would no doubt of described it as ‘the most amazing, greatest, most magnificent catch the world has ever seen’. Rosey decided a smile would suffice.

Captain Tait and Charlie found some pace and the dots followed.

The bowlers changed for Lightcliffe but the consistently good line and length didn’t. Never mind ‘The Straights of Hormuz’, we were being treated to ‘The Straights of Till Carr Lane’.

The extras were kept low and spirits high. A good leader needs loyal and hard-working troops. Freddie, Henners, Jim, Alexander and the two Ollies were all present and correct with the ball in hand.

As some will know, ‘Aden’ is a city in Yemen.

‘Aidan’ is a lad who plays cricket for Lightcliffe. He’s had some tough days in recent weeks, but his clean bowled struck middle stump with the precision of a Houthi Rebel’s attack drone.

Trump’s kept the dollar’s exchange rate low with his antics. The boys kept the run rate low with theirs.

And then came the real fireworks. Like a precision missile strike, Bosh came into the attack.

If you were stood on the boundary tonight, you’d be forgiven for thinking the Martin Stubbs League had introduced instant replays.

Bowled Boshell, caught Webb. At mid-on. In the same spot. Twice. In two balls.

And he wasn’t finished.

Bowled Boshell. Middle stump. Twice. In two balls.

It was fitting that the last of his five ended the home sides innings. Charlie’s safe hands saw to that.

If the Yanks had let Bosh chuck the odd bomb at the Iranians, they’d have surrendered months ago.

There were big smiles and confidence was high as Lightcliffe’s openers took to the crease.

Sometimes confidence can be misplaced. With half of Tehran on fire and the other half hiding in shelters, I’m sure Mr Trump thought victory was near. Sadly, the U13s were also going to find that what starts well doesn’t always end that way. There were some flashes of greatness. Rosie backed up his performance in the field with a retirement. Nico also walked from the field of battle with his wicket intact and his bat held high. Others couldn’t quite reach those heights.

Despite a valiant effort from the tail, the boys fell short. Just.

We don’t know how the conflict in the Middle East will end. We know our own battle tonight ended in defeat. But as Donald said in the Art of the Deal ‘sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war’…